We’ve all been there: You’re scrolling through Instagram and between shots of brunch and bulldogs, your index finger pauses on a “candid” snap of an old acquaintance and her day-old boyfriend frolicking on a beach in Lisbon. Surrounded by turquoise water and cotton candy clouds (made all the more pink by filters aplenty), it’s no wonder she chose to share that moment over the screaming match she surely must have had with her travel mate a few hours prior. The fact is—regardless of how social media fogs our perception—jet-setting with your significant other can be tough, especially for new relationships. “As much as people love to travel, it can be very exhausting,” says Rachel Sussman, New York–based therapist and relationship expert. “Delayed flights, discomfort, misinformation on hotels and vacation spots—a lot can go wrong, which produces stress. If one is under stress, they’re not their optimum self.” Booked a getaway with your new beau? No need to fret. Pack these tried-and-true tips and tricks for how to get the most out of your first-ever vacation with the new leading man or lady in your life.
Play to Your Strengths
Well before takeoff, talk to your Romeo about trip-centric areas in which you feel comfortable taking the reins. “Try to tackle problems in a team approach, using your best skill sets,” says Sussman. “For example, if one person is a better communicator, this may be his or her job. If the other person is better at planning daily activities or booking dinner reservations, this will be his or her job.” By applying a “you complete me” approach, both partners will feel as though they’re contributing to the success of the vacation as a whole, while avoiding unnecessary tugs-of-war. Not quite a whiz at deciphering directions? Don’t let road maps get you down. Talk through your strong suits and make a loose list of what you and your partner are responsible for tackling.
Make a (Rough) Itinerary Beforehand
If Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus taught us anything, it’s that men and women are fundamentally different creatures—who don’t always speak the same language. Even couples who passed Compatibility 101 with flying colors can have completely conflicting ideas on what constitutes a good time, or trip. While it’s in our DNA to butt heads occasionally, try to craft a rough itinerary prior to packing your bags. “Ask each other: ‘What are the top five things you’d like to do on this trip?’ and compare notes,” says Sussman. “Shopping in Rome may be on her list, while exploring the depths of the Colosseum on his. If the lists are vastly different, discuss perhaps splitting up and going your separate ways for one afternoon.” Map out your days by alternating between your top five “must-dos,” and, most importantly, try to maintain an open mind. Deep-sea fishing may not sound so appealing on shore, but once you cast a line, you may actually enjoy yourself!
Talk Budget Upfront
It can be pretty tough (not to mention, uncomfortable) to talk money with your partner, especially early on. “Finances can have a huge impact on all couples, and can definitely impact a vacation,” says Sussman. “What if she expects a beach vacation where you rough it by camping out or staying at a B&B, and he expects five-star luxury?” Rip off the budget Band-Aid by having a frank discussion about your finances abroad. “If you can’t afford as much as your partner—or vice versa—be honest and express your concerns with kindness,” says Sussman. “For example: ‘It seems like we’re both on different budgets for this vacation. What do you suggest we do? I really want to travel with you and have a great time, but I can only afford X.’ ”
Communicate Your Expectations About Sex
While the mainstream media often depicts traveling as photo-ready white beaches and daiquiris before noon, the truth is, there’s a not-so-sexy side to the wanderlust movement, too. “I often see couples fight because they expected a lot of hot sex during the vacation and it didn’t happen,” says Sussman. “If you’re someone who enjoys sex on vacation because you’re more relaxed, tell your mate beforehand. For example: ‘I’m someone who loves romance on vacation. How can we make sure that there’s a lovely spark between us during this trip?’ ” Be realistic and open about your (s)expectations—if you need Barry White and a candlelit dinner under the stars to feel frisky, communicate these turn-ons to your pseudo Don Juan. Above all else, try not to place too much significance on your first trip together as a couple. If either of you are under too much pressure to perform, chances are, you’ll both return home feeling spiteful and stressed.
Understand Your Stress Triggers—And Differences
Even though you may fancy yourself as calm, cool, and collected under fire, traveling has a way of raining on just about anyone’s positivity parade. “It’s super important to communicate before a vacation,” says Sussman. “How will we handle a missed flight? A bad hotel? A robbery?” Prior to your trip, try to reflect on a situation in which you felt your stress levels spiral out of control (parallel parking with an audience, anyone?). What triggered the emotional episode and how did you manage to bounce back? “Women tend to be more verbal about their stress—they’ll complain or voice what’s wrong,” says Sussman. “Some men can become angry, indignant, and loud, whereas others retreat and get silent. Men take on the role of wanting to fix the problem, which can create even more stress for them.” When faced with a trying travel situation, don’t blame your partner for a scenario that’s likely out of his hands. Practice patience, breathe, and enjoy the moment!
Disconnect From Social Media (Seriously)
Log out and power off! Focus on building your connection with your new leading man offline. No need to worry—your brunching best friends and favorite French bulldogs will still be there when you land.