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How to Calm Your Nerves When You’re Freaking Out, According to Experts

Try these tips when you feel like you want to crawl out of your skin.

By Maggie O'NeillMedically reviewed by Jessica Stern, PhD

March 31, 2023

We casually reference our nervous systems all the time—it’s highly likely that, at some point, you’ve used expressions like, “My nerves are shot,” or, “That’s getting on my nerves.” Even these little figures of speech can reflect how, in frustrating situations, you might be tempted to blame your nerves for acting up—or stress out about how to calm them down.

But your sympathetic nervous system itself, which is the part of your overall autonomic nervous system that’s responsible for reacting to stress or perceived danger, isn’t actually always at fault when you feel on edge! In fact, your sympathetic nervous system shouldn’t kick into high gear over every little annoying thing.¹ Really, it should only be sending warning signals to your body if a significant threat to your well-being is present—for instance, if you’re hiking and you encounter a bear, Thea Gallagher, PsyD, a psychologist at NYU Langone, tells SELF.

Sometimes, your body does misinterpret uncomfortable situations—like an intense work meeting, a confrontation with a friend, or even something that makes you feel put on the spot or self-conscious like public speaking—as actual physical threats. This can trigger the sympathetic nervous system and send your body into fight-or-flight mode.

“Dysregulation of the nervous system happens when you’re in fight-or-flight response” more often than you should be, Susan Albers-Bowling, PsyD, a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic, tells SELF. This dysregulation can occur when your body doesn’t respond to stress appropriately, and it can take a major toll: Research suggests chronic stress can cause depression, anxiety, heart disease, and even cognitive impairment.²

When your sympathetic nervous system is active, it causes symptoms that range from a little irritating to more serious, per the Cleveland Clinic. They can include rapid heart rate and breathing; dilated pupils; trembling; increased blood pressure; and even changes to skin tone, as blood flow to the surface of the body is decreased (so that blood flow to muscles, legs, arms, and the brain can be increased). “It can be really hard to live our lives when our nervous system is [frequently] activated,” Dr. Gallagher says. “[People sometimes think] it’s all in your head. But it’s not in your head, it’s in your body.”

No matter what kicks your nervous system into overdrive—whether that’s going on a first date for the first time in years, scheduling important screenings like mammograms, or walking into a job interview—you can familiarize yourself with how to calm down and reassure your body that it’s not really under attack in certain intense situations—especially if you know what typically stresses you out.

Below, experts explain techniques for how to calm your nerves that may improve your mental health.

1. Do four rounds of the 4-7-8 deep breathing technique.

Since fight-or-flight mode can cause quick, shallow breaths, try breathing exercises when you need to slow things down, Dr. Gallagher says.

A good technique is the 4-7-8 method, Dr. Albers-Bowling says. To try this, find a place where you can sit with your back straight and place the tip of your tongue against the tissue behind your upper front teeth (it should stay here throughout the exercise). Then, exhale completely (through the mouth) to make a whoosh sound. Close your mouth and inhale through the nose for four counts, hold your breath for seven counts, then exhale completely through the mouth (making another whoosh sound) for eight counts. Do this at least four times to reset your breathing and help your body calm back down, Dr. Albers-Bowling recommends. (If you try the 4-7-8 technique and it isn’t for you, consider a different practice from our guide to popular deep breathing exercises.)

2. Put on your favorite song—and sing along.

The vagus nerve runs from your brain to your intestines and plays a pretty important role in regulating your body’s everyday functions: Among other things, it impacts your heart rate, digestion, speech, and mood.³

Because it can slow the heart rate, which rises when you’re in fight-or-flight mode, stimulating the vagus nerve can help your stressed-out body quickly return to homeostasis, a stable state in which your systems are functioning normally, Dr. Albers-Bowling says.⁴ Since the vagus nerve is connected to your vocal chords, it might help to try singing or humming along to your favorite soothing tune.

You can also practice stimulating your vagus nerve using the meditation for easing muscle tension below:

3. Take a cold shower.

Another (slightly more involved) way to stimulate the vagus nerve is to expose yourself to cold water, Dr. Albers-Bowling says. This could mean splashing cold water on your face or, if you’re up for it, jumping into a cold shower. Though the benefits of cold water for mental health haven’t been extensively studied, research has shown it can raise dopamine levels and release endorphins, two chemicals known to boost mood.⁵ (Although people with certain health conditions—including those with heart-related issues or circulation problems—should talk to their doctor before trying any form of cold therapy.)

4. Practice the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique.

Since fight-or-flight mode can cause your thoughts to race, grounding techniques can help your mind and body connect with the present moment and reset, Dr. Albers-Bowling says. One popular practice is the 5-4-3-2-1 method, she adds: Acknowledge five things you see in your surroundings; four things you can touch; three things you can hear; two things you can smell; and, finally, one thing you can taste.

5. Find a quiet place to try this calming yoga pose.

If a stressful event induces fight-or-flight mode, it can be helpful to try the legs-up-the-wall pose, which can reduce stress, Dr. Albers-Bowling says. Lie down on the floor and let your straight legs rest against a wall. Your butt should be up against the wall so that your body is at a 90-degree angle. If you’re able, Dr. Albers-Bowling recommends staying in this position for a full 20 minutes to really let your body reset. As London-based yoga teacher Jen Landesberg, RYT, previously told SELF, the legs up the wall pose is relaxing because it requires minimal effort but delivers “complete calmness and relaxation.”

6. Don’t make things worse by judging yourself.

If you find yourself getting really worked up about something that you know isn’t an immediate threat to your physical or mental well-being, you may be quick to negatively judge your reaction—but self-critical thoughts can make an already tough situation worse, Dr. Albers-Bowling says. “People often have shame and guilt about how they’re feeling, which further stimulates their nervous system,” she explains. If you’re spiraling, take a minute to be compassionate with yourself. Instead of racing to judgment, validate your feelings and think about how you can de-escalate the situation. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel freaked out, and that it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything “wrong,” Dr. Albers-Bowling recommends.

When should you consider professional help?

The next time you’re feeling jittery, the above techniques may help your body relax quickly. But fight-or-flight mode can lead to severe anxiety or panic attacks for some people, and if you think you’ve been experiencing something like that—symptoms of which can include a sense of impending doom or danger, fear of death, rapid heart rate, trembling or shaking, chills, shortness of breath, and dizziness or lightheadedness, among others—it’s time to seek help from a mental health provider instead of trying to solve the problem on your own, especially if you’re regularly feeling panicked to a debilitating degree, Dr. Gallagher says.

Dr. Gallagher adds that this level of panic sometimes happens to people who have a history of trauma. “Sometimes, the alarm is going off because of something that was once a threat but isn’t anymore,” she explains. (For example, she says, if someone grew up in a setting in which conflict caused an actual threat, like violence, they may perceive all conflict as a literal physical threat.) Regular cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) sessions are helpful to a lot of people who go through that, Dr. Gallagher adds, explaining, “Our goal is to retrain the brain to realize when you’re not in a state of threat.” If your fight-or-flight reactions aren’t turning into full-fledged panic attacks but you’re still having a hard time coping, turning to professional help is the right move, if it’s an option for you. (And honestly? Therapy can be good for all of us, no matter what our nervous systems are doing.)

Whether you’re looking to ease your body’s fight-or-flight reactions on your own or you think you might need support from a therapist, learning how to regulate your nervous system can help you. After all, we simply aren’t programmed to live in a heightened state of alert 24/7—so you might find these quick exercises leave you feeling a whole lot more centered.

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