My schedule this week is full of favors: Carpool duty, college essay prep with a friend’s daughter, brain-picking sessions with my neighbor going through a career pivot. It’s a lot of unpaid work, but I love living in a “little favor” community. I know any of these people are willing to repay me with a free night of babysitting the next time I need it. Turns out, social niceties can save all of us a lot of money. Here are some etiquette tips to remember so you can keep things smooth sailing in your own “little favors” circle.
I once gave my friend a $60 Christmas gift — only to see the same item listed on her FB Marketplace for $15. Regifting is an art. Here’s how to do it right.
With ballooning expenses, some hosts are charging guests admission, even to formal events like weddings. (Potential guests have big feelings.) It’s a nonstarter to expect guests to pay for any event that you throw, says Lisa Mirza Grotts, a lifestyle etiquette expert based in San Francisco. An event is not supposed to feel transactional for your guests, she adds. Throwing a party for someone else is an exception. For example, if a friend has a milestone birthday coming up, let everyone know you’re reserving a room in a restaurant, and the cost will be $50 each. You just have to be OK with people turning down the invite. If you’ve got a big event on the horizon, here’s how to keep your budget in check — and how to make sure you don’t go broke if you get an invite in the mail.
Your move:
Get creative with timing.Hosting your event during off-peak times or seasons can help save on costs without compromising fun. Try afternoon gatherings and weekday soirées, when vendors may have lower rates than on weekends and evenings.
Combine efforts. If everyone’s turning thirty in the same year, skip individual parties in favor of one blowout trip with everyone. (P.S. Take our advice about how to handle the financial gymnastics of girls’ trips.)
Go low-key. Don’t let someone else’s $30,000 kid’s party skew your expectations. For most people, the most important moments of a celebration don’t cost a dime. “A gathering doesn’t need to be lavish to be memorable,” says Grotts. (This woman had her thirtieth birthday at Costco for less than $30.)
That said, you can still use early encounters (if you move beyond round one) as a way to explore someone’s perspective on money — tactfully, says Boneparth. “Notice whether [they] cook or always order out; how they split bills at group dinners; and whether they ever talk about budgeting or saving for something they want,” she says. “You can learn a lot about someone’s approach to money before getting into the nitty-gritty.” (Related: How to Talk About Money When You’re Dating)
One exception: If you’ve got something BIG in your financial life — like a child or an aging parent you support — bring that up sooner rather than later. Their reaction can be a clue about whether they’re long-term material — and maybe they’ll use that as an opening to be more forthcoming with you. (Related: I Lost Thousands of Dollars — and My Relationship — on a Nightmare Vacation)
Tell Us
Which question should an expert answer in the future?
Coffee: $1 minimum (yup, even if it’s drip). A little more if it’s a specialty concoction; coffee still falls under “food and drink,” and the proper tip can be as high as 20% of your total.
Beauty treatments:20% is standard, with $5 to $20 additional for an assistant. This goes for hair colorists and stylists, as well as beauty techs such as for your brows, nails, blowouts, and piercings. Injectables are considered a medical treatment, so you’re off the hook there.
Cabs and rideshare apps: 10 to 20%. Otherwise, rideshare apps usually offer preset tip amounts somewhere between $1-5 to make the process simple.
Groceries, clothing, gas, and other goods: Payment screens have made tipping an automatic part of the checkout process across a variety of shopping experiences, but etiquette pros say it’s fine to skip out of tipping in these scenarios.
Have a money question you want us to answer? Email us at money@theskimm.com.
Stay ahead with the Skimm Well newsletter, where expert advice and tools help you confidently manage your health.
